For the past few weeks I have had a restlessness that I can't figure out. An anticipation of "something." This feeling comes every now and then.
My thoughts go off in every direction.They circle around and around.
I have trouble sleeping. I will be almost asleep and a thought will pop in my head and I'm wide awake for hours.
I'm not satisfied at work. I go in late alot.
I look around at the people I work with and wonder, are they satisfied or are they craving more out of life than punching a time card and working 10 hours a day?
I wonder if this is my lot in life, to run a machine 10 hours a day for low pay, making only enough to get by.
I do a lot of praying.
And in those prayers, those times that I talk to God, he answers me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholehearted, you will find me.
Sometimes though, like now, I want to know those plans. I want to know what is next in my life.
Reading those verses does give me encouragement and hope. But then I also feel an anxiety, an anticipation, because then I'm waiting for something to happen. To change.
I don't believe I am to just work at that lowpaying job. I believe that God has something wonderful in store for me.
But when? And what?
In these times I start having doubts. because I am going into the ministry I think am I good enough?
Am I sure this is my calling? I don't have a lot of education so I'm not as smart as these people who have been preaching for years.I don't know theology......and on and on.
I know deep down in my soul that God has called me to work for him.I know that I can do his work even with a little education. I know he has given me a voice to speak and tell others about him and his love and mercy and the precious gift he gave us by the blood of Jesus Christ, called salvation, and to sing and to praise him.
Yet the devil doesn't want us to believe this. He wants us to believe his lies that we aren't good enough. ...... So in comes the doubt.
I know others feel the same things I do. My sister is a writer. And a very good one I might add. But she gets frustrated and thinks she's not. And she gets frustrated with the editing and all the things you have to do to sell a book.I know she is good. I know she has found her calling. I know because I see the potential in her. That's something we never see in ourselves. Our potential.
God sees it in us. He prepares us for whatever he calls us to do He doesn't send us out until we are ready. I know this.
Sometimes I just want to pack up and leave. I have always lived in the same area. Right now there is only one home between me and the house I grew up in. My mother still lives there. I wonder if I should just go. See the world. Well the United States anyway.
I read other blogs and see others with the same doubts. It helps knowing that you are not alone.
I believe most of my restlessness is because God is getting ready to make a mighty move in my life. And it scares me, because it is unknown.
Psalm 16;11 Thou wilt show me the path of life; in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
God will show me the path of life, the path I am to travel. If I keep believing and trusting him. If I cast away the doubt and satan's lies and have faith in my Lord.
If I quit trying to rush things to suit my needs. And quit trying to do things my way.
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
Dear God, I thank you for all you blessings. I thank you for life and my job, my family and friends. Lord I ask that you use me for whatever you need me to do. Help me to have the patience I need.Help me to remember that you are in control of everything. I know Lord that you will give me the strength and courage I need to do your will. Only you know the plans for me. Help me to increase my faith in you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen